It’s been 15 days since I drove away from my house. I’m going to my fourth pet sitting gig tomorrow. We’ve been back to work for 4 days—the students arrive on Monday. Today a friend asked me how it feels to leave work and not be going home to my own house. That doesn’t bother me at all. Somehow when I drove away, I really drove away. I was ready to move on to the next stage.
I was asked to fill out a form today listing my hobbies. Hobbies? OMG—I’ve left all of my hobbies! No more gardens, no more flowers, no more bouquet making! No more sitting on my back porch during rain storms. No more neighbors to wave to as they drive or walk by. I had to pause. Is that all OK with me? I decided yes, it was. However, my table mates had to prompt me for other “hobbies.” Do you like to read? Yes. Do you like to walk? Yes. Do you like traveling to California to see your family? Yes. Are these hobbies? Well, not really, but they do take up some time.
Months ago when I was told about another person who takes on pet-sitting gigs (although he has his own home), we met and he asked me what I wanted to accomplish/do with my new-found time while on this nomadic adventure. My response was immediate: I said that I wanted to feel what it feels like to have nothing to do and no to-do list. After only two weeks, I am feeling that and it feels completely foreign and slightly uncomfortable. I was a single Mom and then a single homeowner of a large property for 26 years. There was ALWAYS a huge to-do list. Tonight as my dog sittee and I went for our walk, I felt adrift. While I feel very comfortable in the changing of my physical surroundings, I realized that I don’t feel comfortable without a purpose.
For many years, I was a die-hard political volunteer, working on different political campaigns. When I needed to get my house ready for sale, I pulled back from a lot of political and social activities. And now I kinda feel like I’m just floating in space. Only the family that I’m temporarily replacing knows where I am. I am connected to the rest of the world by only 10 digits. I realize that some of my purpose was anchored in a specific place on this earth and/or goal in life. I realize that I need to find a new internal space—one that is not rooted in familiar nature and unswerving purpose, but nature as it is found everywhere. My next purpose is still elusive. It will come. Trust that.